The Man Rules... or so he Thinks

A month or so ago a dear family friend sent me an email entitled "The Man Rules," and it sparked a funny and never ending joke/battle between Jeff and I. Whenever a situation comes up Jeff will refer back to these man rules. I will admit they do lay out perfectly how a man thinks, however, women still set the rules. Right?So here they are.... THE MAN RULES

1. Men are NOT mind readers
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You are a big girl. If its up, put it down. You need it up, we need it down. You don't hear us complaining when you leave it down.
3. Sunday sports: its like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. (Jeff's #1 rule.)
4. Crying is blackmail. (Woman know this... that's why we do it.)
5. Ask for what you want. Let us be perfectly clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
6. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
7. Come to us with a problem, only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
9. If you think you're fat. You are. Don't ask us.
10. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry. We meant the other one.
11. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know how to do it best, than do it yourself!
12. Whenever possible, please say whatever you need to during commercials. (Another one of Jeff's favorites. )
13. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
14. All men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is a vegetable. We have no idea what mauve is.
15. If it itches it will be scratched. We do that. (I do not understand why guys are constantly itching and "readjusting" you don't see girls doing that with their bras, do you?)
16. If we ask if somethings wrong and you say "nothing." We will assume nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but its not worth the hassle. (I know that all men agree with this rule.)
17. If you ask a question you do not want to know the answer to; expect an answer you do not want to hear.
18. When we have somewhere to go, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
19. Don't ask us what we are thinking unless you are prepared to discuss topics such as: sports, hunting, boobs, or other manly topics.
20. You have enough clothes.
21. You have too many shoes.
22. I am in shape. Round IS a shape. (This one doesn't apply to Jeff, but its still funny.)

I hope you all enjoyed this post. It has kept us entertained and will probably always be remembered. I think Jeff has memorized and sworn to live by these. Men...